Why I Joined Forces with CCL
“You think you are thinking your thoughts, you are not; you are thinking the culture’s thoughts.”
J. Krishnamurti
I first met our executive director John a few years ago at a convening for evaluators where you spend your day in highly rational conversations. I believe I was invited to this convening because of some of my work advancing continuous improvement in education. However, I am neither a trained evaluator nor an educator, so I left like an outsider from the start. After a day of strenuous thinking, we gathered for dinner, and general conversation followed earlier subjects. By chance, John and I were seated next to each other at the table. We had never met before. To my surprise and with much relief, our conversation diverted to themes about life, passions, and learning. Our conversation was human, simple, lovely. And so began our connection.
After this initial meeting, John and I kept communicating somewhat frequently, somewhat randomly. It happens that our friendship and collegiality evolved during a time in my life where I had begun questioning my purpose and direction.
I emigrated to the United States over 20 years ago. I was then a highly educated yet quite unemployable woman (as are many of us immigrants with non-transferable degrees from other countries). Due to a combination of luck and help from others, I got a job at a state agency supporting anti-poverty programs (that’s what we called them back then). For unclear reasons, I became interested in how to measure the impact of these programs, and in turn developed a certain expertise in this subject. The language of outcomes became my space. Over the next two decades, I exercised this knowledge in many different fields, like education, workforce development, public health, and others. I would like to believe that my work has positively impacted the delivery of (some) social service programs, yet throughout these 20+ years I have felt a certain discomfort and disconnection with the work. Professionally, I often question the legitimacy of these improvements and the sustainability of these efforts. Personally, I often said to my husband, “my heart is not in this.”
Around the same time that I met John, I began to work more closely with others dedicated to social justice. Hearing their stories of profound pain and examples of courage helped me develop a deeper understanding of racism and oppression. Saying this might sound strange given that I am an immigrant from Colombia who grew up during very violent times. Yet, bias is that onion we keep on peeling as we learn from and live close to the suffering of others. And, Latina or not, bias is something I can’t escape when I have abided by (knowingly or not) to white-dominant culture norms. I must also mention that during this time, for different reasons, I had to walk a path of personal surrender that urged me to examine deep corners of my soul.
So today, these experiences, coupled with the palpable, raw, and incomprehensible injustices our times compel me to question what I believe in and what to fight for. They unveil that the value I give to my mind comes from living under the dominance of others’ culture to the detriment of my heart. They help me see “the work” with more authentic eyes. They make me recommit to hope and not settle for less than transformation. They also urge me to recognize the power of serendipity.
Serendipity brought John and me together, and our sensibilities connected us. Serendipity has made me cross orbits with others who have enlightened my soul. Serendipity has made my personal and professional paths merge.
I have deep gratitude for the opportunity to join the Collective Change Lab, to reconstruct my purpose, to question my thoughts, and to put my heart into the work. I am excited for the opportunity to explore and learn from the transformational practices of others cultures and traditions. And I am grateful and excited to have a new home where I can invite others to explore:
Are we addicted to old ideas; addicted to our minds?
Are we capable of dreaming of a not just better but different future?
Can we find courage to change course and follow our hearts?